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Perfection NOT Required

3/29/2016

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I've gotten some great feedback on the survey that we have on the site. It was so interesting to see what people are thinking when they read, hear, and talk about diversity and culture. I am especially thankful for the information given about what could make discussions on diversity better. My mind is already churning away with ways to put much of what was mentioned in place. But first I wanted to address something that was not explicitly stated, but certainly alluded to...

I got the impression from many responses that people are quite worried about making mistakes when it comes to diversity. I completely understand where that comes from. I often have that same fear. I know quite a bit about cultural competence, but I am by no means perfect. I say the wrong thing. I react the wrong way. I cringe at some of my automatic thoughts. But we are all going to make mistakes when it comes to cultural competence. Why? Because full, total, and complete cultural competence is not possible. There is no way to know everything there is to know about every culture out there. And even if you did know everything, you were still raised and socialized to have biases. We all have them and they are automatic. We can't always control our gut reactions and feelings when engaging with people from other cultures. What we can do is become aware of these reactions and control our behaviors. With enough practice, our actual mindset will begin to change.

**For those of you who are not mental-health professionals, this is a crash course in cognitive-behavioral therapy. It gets a lot of attention because research shows that it's very effective. But it doesn't have to just be for therapy. People often think that they have to change their mindset and then their behaviors will follow. More often than not, it's actually the opposite. Change your behavior and your mind will follow.  Try it sometime. IT WORKS.

We are human. We make mistakes. In every aspect of our lives. We shouldn't expect perfection for most things or from most people. It's really important to be forgiving of yourself and model that for your kids. Don't expect them to get a perfect score on every. single. test. Don't expect them to be the best at every sport. And don't expect that they will always do the 'right' thing when it comes to diversity. Give them the experiences and knowledge they need to continue to ask questions and then let them make a mistake every once in awhile. And while you're at it, do the same thing for yourself. Then give yourself a nice pat on the back for doing all that you could as a parent. Perfection NOT Required.

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Have you taken the survey yet? What are you waiting for?! It's easy, quick, and fun! While you're at it, sign up for the newsletter. You'll get tips, strategies, thought-provoking articles, and funny content. Plus the occasional sneak peek of exciting things to come on CCK! Along with the newsletter, you'll get a great list of diverse books for kids of all ages - babies to young adult. We hope you'll join us!
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Blog Series: The 5 Essential Elements of Cultural Competence: Understanding

3/24/2016

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This is it! Our final installment of our blog series on the essential elements of cultural competence. I hope you've found the tips helpful as well as the article by Terry Cross and colleagues. In the article, the authors talk about cultural competence in relation to organizations and systems. In this blog series, we're attempting to pare it down to the individual and include tips on how to develop these skills in your home with your kids. Check out the previous installments on knowledge, interaction, self-assessment and valuing diversity. And let me know if you want more series like this one! What are you interested in? Do you have any burning questions? Leave a comment below or contact me directly to let me know your thoughts. I can't wait to hear from you!

So the fifth and final (at least according to the article) essential element for cultural competence is having developed adaptations to service delivery reflecting an understanding of cultural diversity. I think it's pretty clear that this one is tailor made for organizations as opposed to individuals, but I do think that we can reinterpret it to apply to children and adults. To me, this last element is all about taking action. How can we show that we have an understanding about cultural diversity? It's not enough just to acquire knowledge, it has to translate to actual changes in behavior. So how can you support the development of these changes in your child?
  • ​Make it regular: You don't have to think about how to introduce diversity every single hour of every single day, but it should be a regular occurrence in your house. Something that you commit to and make a priority. And make it fun! I have a new video segment coming out called Just For Fun Fridays that helps you infuse diversity into your everyday life with your kids. The first episode comes out on Friday, April 8th. Check it out to have fun with diversity with your kids!
  • Diverse friendships: This is for you and your child. One of the best ways to have diversity be a part of your life is to have a diverse set of friends. This isn't just about race and ethnicity, although it is important to have friends who look different from you. It also includes sexual orientation, gender, religion, nationality, ability level, education, class/socioeconomic status, etc. Can you think of other types of diversity? Add them in the comments below!
  • Encourage child to take the reins: Help your child take ownership of the diversity in your house. Eventually you want them to be able to do it on their own, so why not start at home! Does your child show interest in different types of food, having diverse playmates, going to events that celebrate diversity? Acknowledge and praise your child's contribution, encourage them to do it more, and then go do what your child is asking to do!

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What did you think of the blog series? Do you think that there are only 5 essential elements to cultural competence? If not, what's missing? Should any be taken out? Tell me your thoughts below! And don't forget to sign up for the newsletter! Instead of having to remember to check out the blog, you will get great information delivered right to your inbox. Tips, strategies, articles, and videos so you don't have to figure it all out yourself! When you sign up, you will receive a FREE diverse book list for kids of all ages-babies to young adults, which is a great way to start your child's diversity journey. And don't forget to follow me on Facebook & Twitter!
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Blog Series: The 5 Essential Elements of Cultural Competence: Knowledge

3/21/2016

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This is the fourth installment in this blog series. I hope you're loving it! Check out the previous posts on interaction, self-assessment, and valuing diversity. We will have one more to go after this one. The series is based on an article by Terry Cross and colleagues written in 1989 about cultural competence. In the article, the authors talk about cultural competence in relation to organizations and systems. In this blog series, we're attempting to pare it down to the individual and include tips on how to develop these skills in your home with your kids.

The latest essential element of cultural competence is about having institutionalized cultural knowledge. In my opinion, this is a fun essential element because it's all about learning! And there are so many ways to teach your kids that are fun and engaging for the whole family. I like the idea of paring this one down to "having cultural knowledge". I believe that should be of individuals and institutions. So how can you go about doing that with your kids and keeping it fun so they'll actually learn something? Well, I'm glad you asked...
  • Go to a museum! This one is first on my mind, because I actually just got back from the museum with my little ones! Even though it can be tiring ("don't touch that. No seriously, I said... no really, don't... don't touch it!"), it always pays off. Kids are total sponges and bringing them to museums is a great way to expose them to all kinds of different things. It always surprises me how much children's programming there is at museums as well, so check out the museum's website before your visit to see what they have to offer. I know not everyone lives in a big city like me, but do a little research. I'm always shocked at how many small, lesser-known museums there are around and if you dig, you can find some serious gems. If it's still a haul for you to get to one, visit one virtually (these are some of our DC favorites: here, here, and here), get some books from the library about museums, or put it on your list of things to do when you take your next family vaca. 
  • Movies & TV Shows: This one is for the two and older crowd only (and even then make sure to limit their screen time). There is some great TV programming out there for kids of all ages to help them learn about diversity. For younger kids, I like this one, this one, and this one. For older school-aged kids, some movies with diverse characters that I think are great are Big Hero 6 and Whale Rider. As your kids become teens, letting them watch the History Channel and other documentaries is a great way to learn and spark conversation.  There are great options at every age!
  • Books, Books, Books! If anyone knows me, they know that I am a book junkie. I become emotionally attached real quick. So it's only natural that I want to pass on that love affair (er - obsession...) to my kiddos. Books are always a great way to learn and there are so many amazing ones out there that can teach you about others (and yourself for that matter!). If you already signed up for my newsletter, you've gotten the list I've compiled of fantastic diverse books. If you haven't, what are you waiting for?!?! It's free and a great starting place for learning new things with your kids!

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Blog Series: The 5 Essential Elements of Cultural Competence: Interaction

3/18/2016

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This is the third installment in this blog series; we are more than halfway through! It's based on an article by Terry Cross and colleagues written in 1989 about cultural competence. In the article, the authors talk about cultural competence in relation to organizations and systems. In this blog series, we're attempting to pare it down to the individual and include tips on how to develop these skills in your home with your kids.

The third essential element for cultural competence is being conscious of the dynamics inherent when cultures interact. Well, what the heck does that mean?!? Well, when people of different cultures talk to each other, work with each other, befriend each other, there are going to be some cultural misunderstandings. What is considered normal in one culture may be different or strange in another culture. For example, there are some countries that teach their school children that there are 5 continents, not 7. In Norway, it's often considered bad table manners to eat a sandwich or burger with your hands. Apparently, there are lots of things that Americans do that others find rude (and vice versa!). So there are bound to be misunderstandings. How can you teach your child to anticipate, and even embrace, these awkward and sometimes uncomfortable situations?
  • Reframe the discomfort as learning: Kids are so often taught that it's best to just know everything and never make mistakes. However, in order for kids to learn, they have to make mistakes. They have to experience some discomfort with the fact that they don't know everything about everyone. So when you see them not knowing what to do when coming in contact with a new culture or if they talk to you about it, emphasize the fact that they learned something new. In fact, it's great to make mistakes. It allows you to absorb new information and move on.
  • Seek out new experiences with your kids (from an early age): So often, coming in contact with a new culture is uncomfortable because we're not used to it. If you spend your whole childhood with people of the same race and religion as you and then go off to college and meet people of all different skin colors and spiritual beliefs, it's going to be pretty uncomfortable. If you start having playdates with people of all different cultures at age 3, then meeting someone new and different won't seem nearly as shocking to you. Yes, your child will make mistakes and say things that make you uncomfortable along the way, but that's how they learn! And let's face it, it's better for those embarrassing things to come out of their mouths at 5 years old than when they are 22 at their first job. Just sayin'.
  • Be careful of your (verbal & nonverbal) language: Kids really pay attention to what their parents say and how they say it. When talking about norms from another culture, do you call it "weird" or "strange"? When you smell or see food from another culture do you turn away or wrinkle your nose? These subtleties may not seem like such a big deal to you, but they make a huge impression on kids. Be aware of the messages you're sending and try to neutralize them so your kids don't internalize that things that are different are inherently bad.

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Blog Quickie: Somewhere in America

3/16/2016

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A good friend of mine, Sally Wagner from Sweet Peas and ABC's (if you don't know her already - you need to. She and her site are amazing), shared this with me last night and I knew I had to post it here. These girls, who look to me like they are teenagers, outline beautifully the importance of modeling for kids. This is an important piece that I hope will make you think a little bit about what you are teaching your kids-directly and indirectly. Enjoy and leave a comment below.
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Blog Series: The 5 Essential Elements of Cultural Competence: Self-Assessment

3/14/2016

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This is the second installment in this blog series. It's based on an article by Terry Cross and colleagues written in 1989 about cultural competence. In the article, the authors talk about cultural competence in relation to organizations and systems. In this blog series, we're attempting to pare it down to the individual and include tips on how to develop these skills in your home with your kids.

This post is about the second element, having the capacity for cultural self-assessment. This is exactly what it sounds like; how well someone can look inside themselves and acknowledge their own level of cultural competence. This is such an important skill for kids to develop and parents can do a lot to help it grow. Here are some quick tips on how to help your kid examine themselves as cultural beings:
  • Model Cultural Self-Awareness: This is the first step in helping your child develop this skill, but it can also be one of the most difficult. It means that you have to look inside yourself and acknowledge yourself as a cultural being and talk about where some of your biases may lie. Remember, it's not a question of if you have biases, it's a question of which ones. Everyone's got 'em, so get in touch with yours and show your kids that it's ok to make mistakes around diversity. If they feel that it's not ok to make mistakes, they will avoid the topic altogether, which is exactly what you don't want.
  • Verbalize and Label Your Child's Self-Assessment: Your child is learning so much about him or herself, whether a toddler or a teen. When you see your child learning something new about themselves, let them know what is happening. Have they learned that they do like broccoli? Label it! Have they learned that they like European History more than American History? Label it! Have they learned that they really enjoy spending time with male friends as well as female friends? Label it! Have they learned that they enjoy Indian food as well as Chinese and Italian food? Well, you get the picture...
  • Help Child Understand Self As a Cultural Being: Everyone has a culture! What is yours? What is your family's culture? What is your child's culture? If your child is artistic, this can be an art project. If your child is a writer, they can write a poem or short story about themselves as a cultural being. If your child likes to talk, find a relaxed and fun place to be with them and just talk about it. Understanding that they have culture is helpful in beginning to understand others' cultures as well.

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Blog Series: The 5 Essential Elements of Cultural Competence: Valuing Diversity

3/12/2016

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In 1989, Dr. Terry Cross and his colleagues published an article that defined and described cultural competence. Within that article, the authors listed five elements of cultural competence for organizations. Although this list was developed for systems, institutions, and agencies, I believe that the 5 different elements can be adapted for individuals. So what are these different elements and how can you help your children develop them?

The first element is valuing diversity. Values definitely begin to develop at an early age so this is a perfect place to start with your kids. If you want your kids to see the value in what people from other cultures have to offer, try to instill this value early. Here are some quick tips:
  • Model the Importance of Diversity: Kids learn from what you do more than what you say. Let them know that diversity is important to you. Talk about diversity with them and in front of them. Bring around friends who are different from you. Visit museums, eat different foods, learn new languages! There are lots of ways to show your kids that diversity is important to you.
  • Infuse Diversity Into Your Everyday Life: Don't make it seem as if diversity is something 'extra' to do. Kids pick up on that right away. Talking and learning about diversity should feel like part of your everyday life. Like brushing your teeth, or exercise, or eating cookies :-)
  • Make It Fun! Culturally Competent Kids is starting a new weekly video blog for tips on how to do this. It's set to launch in April. Check back for more info or sign up for the newsletter to get the blog right to your inbox as soon as it comes out.

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Did you enjoy this post? Sign up for the newsletter! Instead of having to remember to check out the blog, you will get great information delivered right to your email. Tips, strategies, articles, and videos so you don't have to figure it all out yourself! When you sign up, you will receive a FREE diverse book list for kids of all ages-babies to young adults. Enjoy and tell me what you think!
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Blog Quickie: Black History Doesn't Stop With the End of Black History Month

3/2/2016

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This is a very, very cool little article about some really, really cool kids. I had no idea this school existed, even though it's only about an hour away from my house. The fact that these kids care enough to do something to save and preserve this place is so touching to me. What tugs at my little heart-strings even more is that not one of these kids is black! These kids are the epitome of what we teach here at CCK-if you truly care about diversity, you care about ALL diversity. Not just the diversity that affects you directly. If that's the case, you don't really care about diversity-you care about yourself. And let's face it folks, that's different. So check out the article, applaud these children (yes, children!) for the amazing and important work they are doing, and use their work to inspire us to look beyond ourselves. 
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Like the new hashtag? I just came up  with it (I swear-I checked Twitter and nothing came up!). So use it!!! Often! Let's start a movement!

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    Dr. Sweeney is a licensed school psychologist and cultural competence expert. Here are her musings on life in a multicultural world.

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